oknow

Here's what Covid did to me: pneumonia, Long Covid, 7 months of fever, nerve damage, brain damage, cognitive failure, high blood pressure, pre diabetes, thyroid/autoimmune disorder (Hashimotos), accelerated my ME/CFS (a crippling disability on its own), fibromyalgia (a crippling disability on its own), POTS (a crippling disability on its own), constant PAIN every single day, nausea, vision problems, devastating fatigue, muscle weakness, accelerated joint degradation/osteoarthritis, post-exertion malaise (a crippling component of ME/CFS), breast cancer (I have 0 genetic markers for cancer, 0 family history). It aged me 15 years, and yes, almost killed me, and still might. I used to run, now I can barely walk. I am chronically ill and permanently disabled. This is not a moral or intellectual failure, no "positive thinking" will cure this. 

If you see me upright, I AM A MIRACLE. I should never be able to be upright, much less work, garden, or do anything for pleasure. But I do. At less than half of what I used to, but I'm still here. It's not really about fighting, it's about surrender. I will not be getting better, please don't wish that for me! That's ableism. Love me AS IS. I'm learning how. I honestly don't think most people could endure this. You don't want to find out.