LOVER

multitudes

It's hard to remember that no one is only who they appear to be. It's hard to know all the versions a person is throughout the years (here's a long lost photo of me before a dance recital. I used it for the cover of my band's demo that I used to get a record deal. I lost the photo & the demo in the levee breaks, but I'll never lose having performed so much on so many stages, or that I got a record deal, the magic I've conjured, or the guts it took to believe in myself and do these things

James FU

Relatives rarely support survivors of familial abuse who are open about surviving it. It's the only way to heal, tho  - refusing to keep it secret defies everything abusers rely on. If I'm not ashamed, I break the chain. As a scholar, I get it, but it still hurts when it's your family.

My brother HATES me for being open about what our mom did to me. He'd rather punish me for telling than her for doing, it's just easier. This way he'll never have to lose her the way I did, he doesn't have to face how he benefitted from my abuse, and he has a target for the anger that sits on top of unprocessed trauma. This is how insidious abuse is, how it spoils everything in its orbit - I grieve it every day. Unprocessed trauma is awful! We must tell it, work it, heal it or generations will suffer -

(not saying everyone has to publicly post to heal, but we do have to be fully open with ourselves, our community & in therapy. It's not easy, it's RECOVERY

(I will always love my brother, I know he's just doing what he was taught. And this is why chosen family is so life saving, because my true family? They get me & it feels good xox