Fat shaming runs SO deep. All this "quaran15" mock horror about extra lbs you may have picked up 🤮 Your body is surviving a freaking pandemic! STOP WITH THE DYSMORPHIC LANGUAGE. It's violence. I promise, the people who died fighting Covid would love to switch places with you. Any new weight I now carry because I've been so sick with Covid that I literally can't move is a CROWN. I'M ALIVE! if you're so mortified by your privilege of wellness, what am I supposed to be, what is anyone who doesn't fit into these (narrow) conscripted ideas of what is "healthy/attractive"? I'M REAL, BEAUTIFUL, A WARRIOR. get with it, we're not doing this anymore
Covid Check In: I'm having a very slow diminishing of symptoms, even as they persist: fever, fatigue, pain, cough still real, tho not as bad as they have been. I feel shiftings - still in the woods (cool shadows, pine, nests, mushrooms), but on the edge & can see the field (sunshine, wildflowers, bees, berries). Just communing with the woods awhile longer -
I can't exercise in any aerobic way (it can reactivate everything), so my CPTSD anxiety & depression elbow back in. Stress over money/work/liver health is real. I'm well enough to be aware, not well enough to do anything about it. Every tool I have from my recovery, organizing/movement work, spiritual practice is in play - the biggest is acceptance/receiving help.
This is an absolutely devastating virus, and very mysterious, and it's only affirmed my belief that binary modalities (sick/well, etc) DO NOT WORK. There is no clear boundary of "getting better" and I really want to encourage people to not use that language, it can trigger panic, shame and grief. This is not linear in any way (nothing is linear in any way). I can't answer questions without a lot of gray area, and people generally find that unsettling. We're all learning how to do this in real time, gotta be patient with ourselves & eachother.
What I can say is I'm not as sick as I was, and also I'm still unwell, and in all of it - I continue to be strong. Trusting my body is my A#1 priority, which is a very deep experience for a trauma survivor - asking my people (doctors, care circle) to respect my knowledge of my body is healing medicine. I'm being very well taken care of, in ways that honor and respect me, and teach me SO MUCH. Upshot is I could not do this without community. I thank them with everything for everything xox onward xox