Pain has made me a ghost, honestly, as has wanting to be something other or feeling no time underneath my feet or family, or not fitting into the something that's mine to fit into or just recovering from a crime wave. First off let me be perfectly clear: I don't think this is bad but I also don't think it's good. I think the slimy bug's gotta fight outta that cocoon sometime and be that dry soft butterfly, it's real life, happening over and over again, but it's messy, it's really gross. What I mean is I'm changing, awkward, I really am still rebuilding, and I'm alone, and it's scary. I have wrestled out of so many lives into the next, every act is mythic down to the tip, I'll take this that this but not that that or that, breathe, go, stop, stay, duck, fight, kiss, clarify. When you take psychedelics every connection is felt and every breath is mammoth like this. Trauma does real things to the brain that have taken a toll and fuck that, I'm fighting to find my way, I'm not home, I don't have a home, I'm ok with that, I'm not ok. I'm waking up and none too anxious to rush out of bed but I am waking up, never fear, I will find the piece I fit into again, and not without thanking my smart honest friends and not without some sort of chocolate.
« Chocolate Chip Cookie Cupcake Air | Main | To have a good time »
04/12/2008
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Glow worm glow!
Posted by: MIV | 05/12/2008 at 09:40
Hello Divine!
Posted by: Eli | 06/12/2008 at 00:19
It was a great AORTA party - thanks.
Posted by: Indy 500 | 08/12/2008 at 10:28
Thank you!
Posted by: Eli | 08/12/2008 at 20:07