- I was a homeless teen, escaping a horribly violent & abusive home
- Not one adult cared about me
- I was so devastated by my reality that I almost died
- Nobody cared what happened to me or any girls
My sexual assault, rape and abuse lasted years. The body that endures that has been taught to believe it doesn't matter - I'm not me, I'm an IT. That's the nature of abuse. The very reason why it took decades to be able to tell my story is a byproduct of abuse, and it's why abusers do what they do: power.
They had (took) it, I had none (objects have no power).
All of it - trauma, assault, sexual abuse & harassment, discrimination, oppression, repression - is an expression of the ruling psychology of this land: power is all, power is a (white) man's (by men I mean men, and also all abusers, cuz you don't need a penis to perform patriarchial power hierarchies, which my own mother proved).
Their conception/performance of power is just a construction, though - a thought a man had in his head that he does everything he can - desperately - to convince us is "true", to assert it and distract us from its inherent flimsiness. Bombs, they throw bombs. That's what rape is - a bomb designed to destroy my power, to keep them in power.
(p.s, guys, you don't have to be a rapist to benefit from rape culture, to be complicit, and to perpetuate it in overt and covert ways. Micro-aggressions, silence, refusing to engage, refusing to take responsibility, refusing to listen, refusing to honor, refusing to call your brothers out, any action that reinstates you always to a position of power ... it's endless, the ways men assert dominance/privilege. It's a flood, it's killing the world ...
We deconstruct their systems of abuse and toxic power when we assert our agency and express and claim our intrinsic truth - that we are. WE ARE. I AM, in my totality, utterly and perfectly true.
Of course I didn't report. If that would've even been an option, the power structure that made a man believe he was entitled to act his fantasies of power out via me/my body wouldn't exist in the first place. If this were a world where "reporting" were easy & possible, it would be a completely different world, "reporting" would hardly be necessary.
Besides, why do the people who rape and oppress women/etc get to decide what "reporting" should look like? That's madness, and nifty for them.
No matter when or where or how or why or to who we tell it, any and all tellings ARE REPORTING. My embodied, lived experience IS REPORTING. Reporting by their criteria is NOTHING - reporting by ours is ALL
#truthtopower #deconstruct #patriarchykills #whyididntreport #believesurvivors #believeeachother #speakyourtruth#iamamiracle #metoo#ibelievechristineblaseyford #butofcourse #metoo #metoomvmt #survivor#imasurvivor